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08 January 2013 @ 09:43 pm
ok guys. i don't know if you remember this from last year, but there was a point of time where I was not ok with writing smuts because of things that were happening in my life and in my school. If you weren't here, the general idea was that there were people of my age having sex, and for a moment I did not even want to think about it, and so I stopped writing smuts for a period of time. I have never endorsed underage sex or teenagers having any type of sex pre-eighteen because of the bad things that could come from it. I stopped being friends with the people and I rarely even talk to them in my classes. I am fifteen, turning sixteen this year, and just thinking of this is so bad. So so bad.

Recently my friends have started having sex. And so just the idea of them having sex is enough for me to vomit (I have already) and now I am divided between the friends and the ones that have been calling them whores. I let people live their lives but upon the knowledge of this I look at the stuff that I am writing and I think, what am I doing? I don't know if I will be writing smut again right now because I honestly feel pressured to conform and then just the fact that I have a boyfriend and there are expectations and...

I am sorry, I have a lot of PWP WIPs right now but I can't even think of writing them. I may just vomit again. I am shaking as I type this and I wish for the first time that I was numb. That I could not feel and just write whatever, but I am feeling and I do not like it. I am sorry. But I feel sick. And scared. And...

I am sorry guys.
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envybleedsgreenenvybleedsgreen on January 9th, 2013 03:28 am (UTC)
Don't be sorry at all. I don't want to offend anyone, but I am horrified. Yes, people have choices, but underage sex shouldn't even be considered.

You have a lot on your mind right now. Stay safe, alright?
mywookness: don't wake me up ` krisyeolmywookness on January 9th, 2013 03:34 am (UTC)
Thank you. I am horrified too just by the idea of it.

I do have a lot with homework and final exams coming up. I'll try. I won't be having sex though.
Breezymsbreezy12 on January 9th, 2013 04:30 am (UTC)
I know its weird for you but writing isn't the same as having sex.
Plus it's fictional characters.

But you have to do what makes you comfortable. Don't write smut if you don't want to.

One day you'll look back on this and laugh.
mywookness: in the summer sun ` moonjunwoomywookness on January 10th, 2013 03:47 am (UTC)
Well most of the time it isn't fictional characters. Yes, I do write some anime and ocs, but most of the time it's k-pop, who aren't fictional characters and I am in a way pretending to be them.

I will probably break sooner or later, but right now I don't think I will. And your "One day you'll look back on this and laugh" c0mment? I am not sure but I have always been one of those people to overthink things. And smut just doesn't seem like something I want to do right now because of things that are happening in my life. Maybe later on when I am having sex I will, but right now I don't think I ever will because I am one of the types to not separate love from lust and sex from making love. I'm sorry.