just get me out of here ` hyunseung

sorry

ok guys. i don't know if you remember this from last year, but there was a point of time where I was not ok with writing smuts because of things that were happening in my life and in my school. If you weren't here, the general idea was that there were people of my age having sex, and for a moment I did not even want to think about it, and so I stopped writing smuts for a period of time. I have never endorsed underage sex or teenagers having any type of sex pre-eighteen because of the bad things that could come from it. I stopped being friends with the people and I rarely even talk to them in my classes. I am fifteen, turning sixteen this year, and just thinking of this is so bad. So so bad.

Recently my friends have started having sex. And so just the idea of them having sex is enough for me to vomit (I have already) and now I am divided between the friends and the ones that have been calling them whores. I let people live their lives but upon the knowledge of this I look at the stuff that I am writing and I think, what am I doing? I don't know if I will be writing smut again right now because I honestly feel pressured to conform and then just the fact that I have a boyfriend and there are expectations and...

I am sorry, I have a lot of PWP WIPs right now but I can't even think of writing them. I may just vomit again. I am shaking as I type this and I wish for the first time that I was numb. That I could not feel and just write whatever, but I am feeling and I do not like it. I am sorry. But I feel sick. And scared. And...

I am sorry guys.
built this house on broken dreams ` bel

a little late but

yo. finished all of my fics! it was actually yesterday but I didn't really want to comment.

YAYY!!! so a new fic then?
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